Chemo Week 4, Day 5 Nov 30 2024 THE PURGE

 Prepare yourself, this is not going to be pleasant. 

I'm tired.

Not the kind of tired that follows a rigorous workout, although it is accompanied by various aches and soreness. And it is NOT the kind of tired that comes with accomplishment like climbing a mountain.  It's a wearisome kind of tired - a cold tired - like out of a Dickins novel.  

My hair is coming out in fistfuls. This is accompanied by a burning itchy scalp.  My whole life I ahve been blessed with thick beautiful hair and I was the last of my siblings to have any gray hair! I cut it short before starting chemo in the hopes of sparing out shower drains and vacuum filters the added stress but even the short hair coming off my head in fistfuls is unnerving.  Encouraging voices meant to empower me tell me buzz it and get it over with - that is so much harder than it sounds.

The diarrhea and the discomfort that comes with it is - NO FUN! There are days when my stomach feels like an ever churning lava pit.

Nothing tastes like it should. My mouth tastes like metal or something chemical most of the time. Even water can taste wrong.  I crave sweetness but nothing tastes right. 

The sensation in the tips of my fingers and toes comes and goes.

This stupid cough I caught from Jimmy in week 2 lingers annoyingly.  

Nosebleeds! I haven't had a nosebleed since the last time I got hit in the head with a soccer ball. I had 3 major nosebleeds in as many weeks! 

I'm hot and sweaty then cold and shivery. 

I feel like I smell all the time.

I miss intimacy with my husband but I definitely don't feel sexy.

My job has been super accommodating and understanding -- all things considered. And logistically the night shift has been pretty perfect. But left to think on my own for 8 hours isn't good either. 

Thank you for listening.