The Itty Bitty Shitty Titty Blog

 It's Been Three Weeks... It's been three weeks since my Mastectomy... let me fill you in.  The days leading up to my surgery I was a nervous wreck.  I checked my bag three times an hour to make sure I had everything ready to go -- an there was really nothing in it.  I needed my glasses case and my phone charger, a change of clothes and a book to read that I knew I'd never feel calm enough to crack open.  Matt and I went to Walmart to get me a shirt that buttoned down the front and was baggy.  I had no idea till that day that my closet included tops exclusively donned by pulling them over my head.  So I bought a bright yellow shirt that fit poorly and I honestly hated.  I also packed one of the three post-surgery bras I'd ordered from Amazon -- they were EXACTLY like my first training bras Mom bought me in the 4th grade.   The day before my surgery happened to be an infusion day for me, so Mom and I went to Fairfax and did our usual rout...

 Ding Dong the Chemo's Done! (to be read in the high-pitched voice of a Munchkin, preferably a member of the Lullaby League or the Lollipop Guild) Only a week later than expected, I went in for my final Chemo infusion.  Mom went with me and, while it took the tech a few tries to find a cooperative vein for the IV, the visit went off without much of a hiccough.  As we were leaving the nurses clapped while I rang the brass bell anchored to the wall.   To be honest, the bell had a slightly melancholy sound. Let's talk about bells for a moment.  I've never really thought about them before but bells are a symbol of change or transformation, aren't they? We ring bells in celebration on Christmas Day, for weddings, and we "ring in" the New Year.  Bells toll the passage of time from tiny wristwatches to intimidating clock towers. Town criers used to herald news with a bell as they carried important messages through the streets. Bells were put onto horse bridle...

Matt says that I got cocky with my last post. That was obviously not my intention. Maybe God just took a look at my last post and needed a good laugh.  Whatever happened, whatever the reason, I did NOT get to ring the "I'm done with Chemo" bell on Tuesday.   After my last completed Chemo treatment on February 25th I was fighting a pretty bad cough.  My oldest son, George, was also coughing and had been for a few days.  So, on Wednesday, I took us both to the Urgent Care facility nearest our house to be tested for Flu and Strep.  We waited for over an hour in an empty waiting room before being tested and seen by a doctor for a total of 4 minutes to be told we did NOT have strep or flu.  George was prescribed Amoxicillin and I got a Z-Pack.   A few days into my prescription and I wasn't getting any better.  In fact, on Friday, I noticed that I couldn't walk across a parking lot or up a flight of stairs in our townhome without getting winde...

 I know it's been awhile and I am sorry.  I have been writing in my personal journal which is usually how I write my drafts before posting... but they were depressing and, worse than that, repetitive.  There were no fun anecdotes or cute stories.  I am truly saving you from hours of polite reading.   These last weeks have been a little different, my lovely mother has been going to my infusions with me.  She drives up from Woodstock in the morning and meets me at my boys' school after I drop them off and I jump into her car with my bags and pillow and slippers and then she drives me the 45 mins to an hours (depending on rush hour traffic in Northern Virginia) to Fairfax hospital. She spends the time prattling on about whatever she did that week and I usually get a blow by blow recount of my nephew Luke's last basketball game -- GO FALCONS!  She then, reluctantly, allows the Valet attendants to park her truck.  Once inside the hospital I lead t...

 I am finding it difficult to concentrate on the things that are most important. Christmas is my favorite time of year. Unoriginal, I know, but there it is.  I am a great hold out for the belief in Santa Clause. While I may concede that a jolly fat man in a red suit doesn't visit each and every child's house around the globe every December the 24th. I still believe that it's possible AND that there is such a being.  He may not physically live at the North Pole or surround himself with an army of elves. But St Nicholas was real and his spirit somehow fills the world with hope and generosity and good will - and if that's not a miracle I don't know what is.   There is so much to love about this time of year.  The lights. the food, the traditions, the stories, the music, the pageants, the fun. I want to shower my kids with the magic and fun! But I just don't have the energy. I can't keep the kitchen clean enough to make cookies,. This stupid lingering cough had...

 So I have no idea what the odds are for this to happen but they have to be pretty slim. Somehow, my mother-in-law and I made appointments at the same time in the same medical office.  Both of our names begin with La and of course we have the same last name.  So when Lana arrived (about 20 mins after me) she was asked "oh you have 2 appts today?"  She was confused for a moment but the receptionist quickly discovered her mistake. We had a good laugh over it and when we walked out of the elevator together there was Ray waiting for her and I said "two for the price of one!" 

 Prepare yourself, this is not going to be pleasant.  I'm tired. Not the kind of tired that follows a rigorous workout, although it is accompanied by various aches and soreness. And it is NOT the kind of tired that comes with accomplishment like climbing a mountain.  It's a wearisome kind of tired - a cold tired - like out of a Dickins novel.   My hair is coming out in fistfuls. This is accompanied by a burning itchy scalp.  My whole life I ahve been blessed with thick beautiful hair and I was the last of my siblings to have any gray hair! I cut it short before starting chemo in the hopes of sparing out shower drains and vacuum filters the added stress but even the short hair coming off my head in fistfuls is unnerving.  Encouraging voices meant to empower me tell me buzz it and get it over with - that is so much harder than it sounds. The diarrhea and the discomfort that comes with it is - NO FUN! There are days when my stomach feels like an ever chur...

 Our Thanksgiving was FANTASTIC!!  Matt made three huge trays of his famous sausage stuffing, plus a ham. And I made peanut butter brownies and mint brownies.  Then we set off for my sister Melanie's house in Woodstock, VA.  Traffic was surprisingly placid so we arrived in record time.  Actually we arrived almost exactly at 11:00 and pulled up in front at the same time as my Aunt Marianne who drove from Lynchburg.   My sister Melanie is THE party planner in our family.  Her house is always festively decorated and her bathroom always has fancy towels, soaps and smelly candles.  I'm always impressed! Her husband, Doug, who is 11 feet tall and generally dressed like a thin Paul Bunyan, was busy in the kitchen fussing over the turkey and a half dozen other pots and pans emitting delicious smells. Her two adorable children : Amy and Christopher who always have energy and joy coming out of their ears were bouncing around my boys before they could e...

 Today was a BIG medicine day.  Lucy, Ethel, Fred and Ricky.  I was at the Infusion Center from 10 - 3 and then I met with the NP in Oncology for about an hour.  Overall the day was uneventful.  My port took a few tries to access but that is becoming the norm. I'm used to it.  My infusion went fine. My nurse was Alison again. I had a nice corner room of my own. There wasn't much on television so I took a nap and played on my phone.  I enjoy the quiet.   The NP told me that my numbers are great! Apparently there are "Normal Good" and "Chemo good" but MINE are "NORMAL GOOD" so she told me to keep doing whatever I'm doing. Now I just have to figure out whatever I've been doing right. 

 The lobby here at the Residence Inn is about 5 degrees too cold for my liking and my black cardigan is far too thin.  Jenny recently gifted me a thick hooded one but I'm afraid it got lost in the "laundry land" that is our basement. I shall make an effort to locate it before my shift on Friday.  Today is my Sweet Jimmy's 5th birthday! He has become such a powerhouse of personality! He fears nothing. He will hug or tackle anyone without hesitation. He treats every new environment or situation as an opportunity to make new friends. He likes to mimic lines he hears from the TV with the same inflection until he gets it right. ("A few moments later" in a French accent is his current favorite.) IF you don't laugh at something he thinks is funny he will explain it to you til you concede. He loves watching football with Daddy. He doesn't understand it but he will yell "Go Commanders" or "Go Irish" til Dad lets out a whoop telling him his...

 We have had the most incredible outpouring of love and generosity and support, quite literally dumped on us in the last month! It has been unexpected and incredibly humbling.  I really need to take a few moments to send some shout outs to some amazing people.   Please note that these are in no particular order To Matt's incredible team at Chantilly High School : I cannot thank you enough.  And to think that none of you have ever met me -- I am speechless.  I mean I know that my husband is loveable but I can't tell you how much it means to me that you all appreciate him as much as you must to be taking such good care of our family.  Not only have you been BEYOND understanding about his needs at work but also the hundreds of dollars worth of gift cards and gifts you sent (our boys love the Dancing Jesus, by the way), the books are exactly my style and the notes made Matt and I both cry.  Thank you so much! OH and the meals!! We appreciate them so m...

 My infusion wasn't scheduled till 11:00 so I was able to travel independently today.  Much to everyone's chagrin.  It was good though, I needed to show myself I could do it.  So, Matt left this morning at 6:00 while I got up the three crazies and got them off to school.  They were dressed, fed and off to school with lunches instruments and nap rolls on time.  I stopped at 7/11 on the way back from the school to get ice for the cooler.  This was easier said than done.  The cooler was stacked high was neatly placed bags of ice but I have serious doubts that anyone but myself had purchased any in a while since the bags had settled or frozen into place creating an impenetrable fortress of ice that even Elsa would have found impressive. After a few attempts at freeing one of the ice bricks I opted to asking for help from the store clerk.  As wiling as he was to assist I was concerned about the effort of reaching he needed to exert as the elastic ...

 Apparently this is no end to Angler Analogies I may glean from this temporary existence of mine.  I may even being referring to Treatments as my Fishing Trips... Probably not.  I enjoy fishing in the same way I enjoy golfing:     - being outdoors on a beautiful day!     - being near water (whether that be lake, ocean, stream, river or water hazard)     - the mandatory quiet     - the snacks     - the close proximity of alcohol! .... the actual activity at hand ... not so much. Today i visited the Fairfax Vascular Center on Arlington Blvd, for a "MediPort check". After the port access debacle that was last Tuesday, my port had become so "adjustable" I was beginning to feel like a human fidget.  I could literally roll it back and forth from the outside.   It is important to note that the Fairfax Vascular Center is NOT where my port was installed. I requested NOT to return to Dr. Spinosa.  The lovely Doct...

 I feel Great! I took my prescribed nausea meds this morning at 7:00 AM with two pieces of homemade French Toast but I haven't felt nauseous.  ( Matt on the other hand has a nasty stomach bug).  Irony? Coincidence?  My brother Robert (Aka Chocolate) sent me a beautiful bouquet of sunflowers!  We also received a whole truck load of gifts and gift cards from Matt's work team. So generous and surprising.   Bonus kiddo Anecdote:  So, yesterday morning, when Matt was handling the boys' morning routine (brilliantly, I might add). He made them French Toast.  This is something my mother does for them when she's in town -- I just pour them cereal, unceremoniously.  Our children LOVE Grandmommy's French Toast! They literally spring out of bed for it and are all smiles at the breakfast table at 6:00 in the morning. (A full thirty minutes earlier than I have to pull them out of bed by their teeth.)   So anyway, my husband serves each child...

 So begins my Cancer Journey.   8:15 AM : Labs for Blood Draw and Port Access  It took two nurses and a supervisor sticking me with a 1 inch fish hook 5x to determine my port is turned or upside down. By the 3rd prick I was crying and blotchy and apologizing for it.  The sweet nurses were rubbing my back and telling me it wasn't my fault - which I knew of course since the nurse told me when i had the port placed, when I SPECIFICALLY asked since I have an energetic 4 year old fond of running hugs, IF I needed to worry about the port shifting -- she told me, "No, that can't happen." So either she lied or it was installed wrong.  Since that particular procedure was my least favorite of the half dozen I had in the last two weeks, I'm NOT looking forward to a repeat.  Let's move on.  They did my blood draw via phlebotomy and then sent me to Infusion on the 9th floor. 9:00 AM : INFUSION 352 lbs : WEIGHT (down 15 lbs from last week so the stress diet is ...